Tuesday, January 4, 2011

How to Make a Nancy Meyers Film

Step 1: Find a really cool idea for a movie, like a womanizer who can suddenly read women's thoughts or two divorced people having an affair with each other. Then ruin it. Spectacularly.

Step 2: Hire a strong female lead with loads of Emmy nominations and major acting ability but direct her in such a way to make her look like she's a B actress from a homemade horror film.

Step 3: Hire a skeevy male lead, preferably one who has been in trouble with law because he abused his ex-wife, and try to make him look dashing, but succeed in making him look about as appealing as a flasher on a kindergarten playground.

Step 4: Start out strong, so in the first 10 minutes people watching the movie think "It looks like I'm in a for a treat!"

Step 5: Allow the film to slowly disintegrate into drivel so that by the time the movie is over your audience, like a frog in a pot being brought to a boil, envies Helen Keller in a way that only people who have sat through an entire Nancy Meyers movie can understand.

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